i know this is an old thread but its so cute amd reminds me a lot of myself. prepare for long post bc im feeling sentimental today lol.
a big part of this hobby for me is personifying them. whether thats:
-assigning them certain personality traits (one walks around a lot? adventurer. one hisses a lot? short tempered and easily annoyed. one always walks on others but another sits in the same spot? extrovert and introvert)
-assigning them a favorite food (one goes to one kind of food more than the other, this food was eaten quickly while the other one is almost completely untouched.)
-giving the pet ones names, duh
-observing their behavior in a more human social context. (they are fighting a lot? neighbors who bickering over petty stuff. they arent very active? they prefer to stay home and gossip. they all eat together? family dinner time is important. antennae going all over the place? very excited/curious)
-props. i buy those little fairy garden/christmas village statue things or even sometimes doll accessories to take picture of with them (no glitter, no paint that can be removed, has to be water resistant, doesnt stay in too long unless its seasonal decoration) and make up little things about how they interact with the props. my favorite is for christmas i put in a teeny tiny nativity scene. im not religious so i thought itd be a great edgy joke. one of my past roaches, walnut, would drink water off the statue when i misted them and the water would eventually collect in the little baby basket. i decided he was a dedicated christian and on sundays id ask him how church went. one of my newer ones, corduroy, went over to look at it then ran to hide and just didnt go to that side until i took it away. i decided hes an agnostic atheist who doesnt believe in god but hes nervous his sinful lifestyle (he instigates a lot of the fights ive watched lol) will get him in trouble if hes wrong. stuff like that is great.
-talking to them
-sharing food with them (not like eating what they ate but when i would cut it up id eat the pieces that would just be too big to finish in a week then give it to them, if i had food scraps from cooking, or if i gave them a certain kind of fruit id go get another one for myself.)
-calling it an enclosure/room/house instead of a cage (the enclosure is lovingly nicknamed The Box)
just because they dont have the capacity to feel emotions or think doesnt mean that bond isnt real. its real to you.
sure, scientifically speaking he is just learning that the sensation isnt a predator or rival roach and since it doesnt hurt him, he doesnt react. i might be wrong, but dont 'pest' roaches learn how to avoid certain poisons by habitually being exposed to other roaches that have died from it and they start avoiding bug poison traps? they arent problem solving in the way that we or other animals do, but they are learning.
a lot of people in the hobby from what i know prefer to think of them as they are known to be rather than trying to connect with 10000000+ roaches individually. especially people who use them for feeders and research. everyone has their own way of doing things in hobbies like this and theres no wrong way to feel connected to them if thats what you want.
when one of my first few hissers, died i was absolutely devastated. i cried for weeks anytime i thought about him. when i first got them as adults, i didnt understand the signs of aging but over time it became more apparent. some of this was probably not signs of aging bc they were in rough shape when i got them but they were completely fine for a long while. i knew it was coming but it hurt really bad still.
he couldnt walk on substrate without falling over most of the time. i put him in a smaller enclosure with paper towels instead of substrate and used a plastic cup cut in half as a hide so he wouldnt climb on top and fall off but he still 'felt' safe. i would find leg pieces all the time so i knew he wasnt eating them. he stopped being able to eat solid foods as well and was becoming more lethargic so i started giving him mashed up fruits/vegetables with some fish flakes and water mixed in. hed gain weight back but bc it was mashed it went gross faster and if i didnt change it every day he would lose mass again. i was seriously having a hard time decided if i should let him take the ol long freezer nap but it was a really hard thing to think about for me. he stopped being able to hiss. hed be 'sleeping' more and more until it was all day everyday and id touch him to see if he was alive. sometimes he would respond so slow id start crying and then suddenly hed start trying to walk toward the hand with his senior meal. when i found him dead i couldnt believe it until his leg just fell completely off and i could smell the rotting of all the squishy parts. i buried him and had a little service bc it was very upsetting to me. when another one died then a long time after that the other two died, i did the same thing. i actually was very depressed about it for awhile, it still makes me sad sometimes.
am i wrong for feeling like this because they were just very simple animals who knew nothing more than their own instincts? is the bond i felt with them not real because they dont have the ability to feel those things? is it ridiculous to have cockroach funerals? is it excessive to be giving them as much attention as i did? no. their natural social behavior isnt aligned with ours, but our social behaviors are to be interactive and caring with each other. we take care of dogs like we do kids, hell theres some dogs who live better lives than most of the kids in the world. a dog has a lot more capacity for these behaviors than a roach does, but isnt it weird we do all these things for dogs? why cant i feel that way about a roach? those roomba vacuums are a better example. its just a machine that bumps around then turns off but people love to personify them. my roaches helped me feel like i had a purpose and i was accomplishing goals when i was dealing with some really hard health stuff. i dont care if its dumb or not scientific, they needed me to be alive and i needed them as a reason to try at that point in my life.
people say stuff like "facts dont care about your feelings" and forget that its a FACT we as animals are heavily influenced by emotions and this need to socially engaged in some way for our mental health. in some situations being emotional is a really bad thing, but in others its either not harmful at all or simply relevant but shouldnt be overpowering. science and emotion can exist together.
but at the same time, people who dont want to be a crazy person like me, they arent wrong either. people who have no issue euthanizing their roaches because they know there is no pain or suffering as we understand it, are just as good owners as the emotional people are. they can still have respect for the animal without treating it like a person.
i know this is long and on an old post, i apologize lol, but if you want to keep thinking they like to be pet or they have a bond with you? go for it. embrace it.
one of my all time favorite twilight zone episodes is season 2 episode 8. after i got my roaches it started making me think of them. i wont give spoilers incase youve never watched/read it but a main character has a breakdown realizing they arent who they think they are. they learn they have no emotions or pain but they are screaming and crying like they do. its just how they are made to react like that. one of the other main characters is having an emotional response too but he knows that reaction is on purpose for him to feel closure in saying goodbye to their bond. while the person freaks out, you realize that they really dont have emotions and its really just a premade response to the situation, and its chilling. no matter what you think, relate to, or appreciate about the characters personality matters bc its not a real personality. the crying and screaming is just not real because they cant have those reactions without being made to. you still feel sad for the character, so does the second person, but it cant change the facts. the emotions are still real to the people besides that character including the audience, but its surface level. you can still appreciate the given personality while knowing it isnt a "human" response.
sorry for the novel



nobody i know even gives half a shit about how much these animals mean to me and it embarrassed me for awhile that i was so invested. trust me, it feels better to just let it flow naturally if thats how you feel. your bond is real and perfectly okay.